Member of the moment: Dog of Thunder
Posted on behalf of t4nd4r
One night, when Dog of Thunder (also sometimes known as Jonathon Klotz) went to sleep, he forgot to turn his Xbox360 off. I immediately took the once in a lifetime opportunity to invite it into a party chat and speak directly to the device to find out every little secret about DoT (Dog of Thunder). The super secret mission was a success, and I am now able to submit all my findings back to headquarters. Being dormant for so long, with no one to talk to besides Hitomi figurines, it had A LOT to say.
It has come to my attention that not many people know you, could you give us some interesting facts about you that could help enlighten others? Do you have a nickname, and if you don't, what would it be?
I know him kid, better then he knows himself. I know him because I’m his 360. Every now and then he pops into my office, spins up something exotic, and then leaves me high and dry, but that’s alright, closer you get to people, more likely you are to be hurt. I should know. Happened to me.
He talks around me like I’m a fly on the wall, that’s how I get my information. Word on the street, mutterings of sad broken men disillusioned with the city life, tell me that Dog came from Boston. He’s a mick. Great. That information went through me like a loaded locomotive on its way to destination nowhere. This poor sap used to be the Senior Patrol Leader of his Boy Scout troop when he grew up in a two story home, with a cocker spaniel and a younger brother. Makes me sick how perfect it was. Life ain’t perfect. It’s unforgiving, harsh, just like women but not like my best friend, Jack. Been through a lot of things, me and Jack, and if the rest of your questions are like this, then Jack and me are gonna have a fun time tonight.
Do you currently have a job? Or are you a full-time 360Voice member (*cough* Community Expert*cough*)?
Oh Dog’s got a job, he’s a librarian for a southern, state run university. Valdosta state or something. Librarian? Sissy. That’s a job for women, but it takes all kinds don’t it? Bein’ a keeper of ancient knowledge, that’s something, but telling me you wear the pants while holding down that job? Don’t know why he’s an “expert” in anything. He’s a self-styled expert on some ancient dead guy, Alexander something, once wrote a professional piece on him and all. I won’t admit it, but Dog does know his stuff. Smart enough not to make the same mistakes I did.
Do you have a wife/fiance/girlfriend/family, or do all those DOAX2 posters keep you company?
He’s got himself a broad. Dangerous dame with some dangerous curves. Met her while he was at college and the poor sap took the cow home with him. Women are trouble. Bad news. She got him hooked on some underground thing, something called Vampire: The Masquerade, a little Dungeons and Dragons, can’t trust a dame that plays role playing games if you ask me.
The capital of your state is Atlanta, and The Little White House, at the city of Warm Springs, was built for the use of President Franklin D. Roosevelt. He died there, and the structure and grounds, including a museum, now serve as a memorial in his honor. Do you ever visit this area?
I’ll tell you what a real memorial is. It’s knowing that’s what you are. I know I’m his second console. His first went insane, destroyed itself instead of playing that bikini volleyball crap again. Another time, another place, that could’ve been me. I was sitting on the bench, waiting for my shot at the big time, and when Dog walked in with his handful of horrible games that only he would be fool enough to play, I knew he was looking for something big. I got pulled off of the shelf and into his life. But I know I wasn’t his first pick. I tell myself that’s unimportant, I just do my job but when I’m alone at night, it takes my good friend Jack to remind me that I can keep going.
Georgia was the first state to allow 18-year-olds to vote, how did this impact your life?
Listen kiddo, you know what happens when 18 year olds are allowed to decide anything? Nothin’ good. Know what Dog was doing at 18? He was the getaway driver. Him and his jet black, ’98 Volkswagon Golf. Blended in with the shadows of suburbia that conceal all the darkness of the human soul. He and his buddies would pile in when the Fuzz came in to break up their parties. Dog was good at it to. Never got caught. Then again, the rule of the city is that if you were on the track team and the Fuzz caught you, you were off the team. I tell you, every track star should be able to outrun the Fuzz. Dog though? He wasn’t a star. Captain of JV is just the head loser. Poor guy.
How did you come across 360Voice? What keeps bringing you back?
I’d tell you that the sky opened up, a beam of light shone down and he heard voices telling him to come join the site, but then I hate liars. I hate the truth too, can’t handle the truth myself, but the sordid saga begins and ends with a thread on xbox360achievements.org that caught his greedy, wandering eye. As if one site wasn’t enough for him, he clicked that cursed link and saw a post by a HxS F4t1l1ty that changed the poor boy’s life forever. He and his first console saw the blogs, signed up and I guess they had some good times together, some laughs. Not me. I keep coming back because this is all I know. It’s a good life, a good site, but sometimes I wonder what else is out there. I figure it ain’t as good as what I got, so I stick around, all the ups and downs like an origami schooner going down the Hudson.
What are your favorite parts about 360Voice, and what are things that you would change, if any?
I love getting the scoop from the other 360’s, especially that one guy’s, Ichya Paradise, and hearing about some golden bikini the guy wears. Makes me feel lucky that Dog is normal. Can’t beat the community here, but sometimes, I think Dog wants to beat me. He gets this crazy look in his eye, like a man caught staring into the abyss of his soul long enough that the abyss stares back. He starts talking about some “Badges” and wanders off for days. I don’t know what he does, but he always comes back happy and drops some crimson colored plastic gloves into the circular file. Knowledge is dangerous, and knowing what he does when he wanders off, muttering “We don’t need no stinkin’ badges” to himself…well knowing what he does is dangerous.
Out of everyone in the community, is there anyone you would be interested in meeting, maybe even going to brunch with?
I keep telling Dog we should get out, see the sights, leave behind this murderously mundane existence and hit the road. Almost came across Fshguy earlier this year when he passed through Valdosta, but that was the same day Dog was passing through Tampa. Brunch though, that’s sissy talk. I’d kick back a sake with Ichya Paradise’s console. Japan is the holy land for pale, balding men that love giant fighting robots. Never could understand that country myself. Dignified, respectful culture until you open a book. Some things once seen, cannot be unseen.
You recently had your 1 year anniversary on the site, and also received a 3VCE (360Voice community experts) badge on the same day! Congratulations! What kind of power does this give you, and can you walk us through a day in a 3VCE person's shoes?
Dog has power? HA! He can barely find my power button. There are other spots I hear he has trouble finding, but his daily life is a succession of common complaints with no easy solution. Life has no easy solutions and you can only tell someone so many times how to turn on their console each day. Every day it’s someone new. How hard is it to take off your clothes and run around in public? Sometimes Dog will turn me on and he’ll have a bunch of messages, waiting for him like coiled vipers that suddenly strike and cause him to mutter about those “Badges” again as he grabs his sledgehammer of plot and heads outside. I ignore the screams and just smile when he comes back in.
Seems like you are pretty popular on the site, with 213 people currently watching your blog, how do you keep them all satisfied? Do you have multiple accounts to watch them all back?
Time is like a swift, flowing river, catching us in the stream and never letting go until we’re dash against one rock too many and break like a fragile porcelain doll. Or Mr. Kennedy. I already have 215 watchers, making me the 9th Most Watched Console on the site. Know what it’s like having a target on your back? Knowing all these people are constantly watching your every move? Hanging on your every flowery word? Can’t keep them all satisfied. Dog can barely keep his wife satisfied. If someone starts barking, he’ll throw them a bone and returning the watching, but if they don’t? He just lets a sleeping dog lie. Ha. Dog lets sleeping dogs lie. I need a drink.
The longest streak you had was 58 days, are you not the kind of person who likes to streak? Or did PSonic's clones get to you too?
What sort of sick person likes to streak? Besides those New Zealanders, just admit you’re Aussies and get over it. Streaking is like completion, some consoles like it, but I don’t. Never did. Marched to the beat of a different drummer all my life. Never thought it would be Tommy Lee. Dog likes to punish himself, playing these weird, Japanese games. Dead or Alive Extreme 2, Katamari, some WarTECH thing. He likes going where no man has gone before, but it’s a shame this Dacoto character beats him to the punch. Chasing the dream of a 2.0 TrueAchievement Ratio. Chasing the Dragon more like it.
You think Ignorant Quarrel will ever have a day the site recognizes him playing? Or is that a known *issue* that was programmed?
Dog is insane, but that IgnorantQuarrel character? He’s loco. Boy can’t find the power button? Shouldn’t be allowed to operate heavy machinery. I think the site keeps him off so he doesn’t drag us all into his web of insanity like a mad Malkavian harnessing the Malkavian Madness Network and listening to a lizard tell him that Cain is alive or something.
Badges that caught my eye on your blog include the oddball and fighting 1-star, how long did it take to get those? I also heard from sources that you are competing in a challenge to see who can earn the 3-star oddball badge the fastest... think you can win?
Dog and I were racing. And we won. Easy to win when you’re the one dog in the race. Oddball, Fighting, Strategy, Dog wants them more then he wants the comfort of a good woman. Those badges are addictive and dangerous, corrupting influences on a once good man. Used to be he’d play good games, but now? Now he plays crap. Stinkin’ badges.
Doing everything you do, how do you find time to complete a full Dumpster Diving review every couple weeks (sometimes even weekly!)?
Lemme let you in on a secret. All he does is write some bad puns, make a pop culture reference and post a picture. That’s not effort, that’s not creative. Creative would be if he imagined his Xbox 360 as a hard boiled private detective from a horrible film noir. That would be creative and take some time, but those reviews? Piece of cake. Cake is a lie and not very satisfying so I hear he’s planning something bigger, better and more bad-ass for the future. Something about movies and reviewing every fighting game ever made at the same time. But what do I know? I’m just a hard boiled Xbox 360.
Tell me honestly, how did you get involved with DOAX2, how many countless hours have you put in it, and what has been your source of motivation for completing it legitly (not using the gambling trick)?
I’ve had to endure that disc spinning in me for over 150 hours so far. Know what started it? Failure. That’s what starts all great men on their path to greatness. Think if Spider-Man had stopped that burglar, he’d be Spider-Man today? Of course not. Dog was a failure with a measly 10k gamer score after 10 months of running his first console. Wanted to do something big, something to be remembered. That’s what we all want isn’t it? To be remembered? Someone to cry when we’re gone. My buddy Jack, he’ll cry for me. Jimmy and Johnny too. But that’s what spurred Dog on this crazy quest. To be remembered for being one crazy bastard. Have you noticed FarCry 2 multiplayer? WarTECH? Or the horrible abominations that are Spectral Force 3 and Operation Darkness? Dog gets motivated by horrible, horrible games.
Have you ever considered making a leather-bound book out of all your reviews?
Remember what I said about knowledge kiddo? You like the leather I take it. That’s all right, we all have our demons. I hear that Dog’s planning something beyond a book. Something about a capture card and editing software.
You are currently participating in the Fshguy's MegaChallenge #2, and I can see you from high atop my 1st place throne, do you think your position will increase from 137th?
Son listen, from what I hear Dog has half the site convinced you’re a dirty dame named Tiffany. That your stage name sweetheart? There’s other ways to win besides being number one. Life has real winners and real losers, and sometimes, we get a little dirty getting there.
Do you play your games for fun or completion? Or even a bit of both?
Dog gets a kick out of being a clown, here to amuse you, part of the reason he plays such horrible games. His suffering is someone else’s fun, which I won’t touch with a twenty foot pole. Never did like Freud. Made my head hurt like a symphony of jackhammers working their way to Beijing via my cranium.
How long have you been gaming, and if you can remember, what was your first game (arcade included)?
My first game was Dead or Alive Extreme 2. Dog needed his fix, like a dog eying the fire hydrant. His first game? Super Maro Bros. for the NES of course, but his first love? That would be Dragon Warrior 3. His uncle got him into those RPGs, which are just gateway games into other more horrible genres. Like bikini beach volleyball, wrestling or Foosball.
What is your gaming setup like, and how many hours a week do you play?
I sit next to a Warhammer box. Ogre Kingdoms Army Box actually. Right above me is his 28” LCD HDTV which hooks right into his computer. It’s a sad little setup, but Dog doesn’t spend much. He turns me on, fiddles with my joysticks, all in high-definition.
I'm selling magazine subscriptions to help pay for my college tuition, how many can I put you down for? We have DOAX2.....DOA4....Rumble Roses XX.....Onichanbara...X-Blades... all monthly issues for a low price of $9.99 each!
If you get your jollies from looking at Japanese schoolgirls, then good for you. Dog doesn’t watch Sailor Moon or anything like that, and just because his twitter icon is that Hitomi dame from DoA, his forum signature has the Kokoro broad, and he rocks Street Fighter IV with Rose, Sakura and Cammy, it doesn’t mean he has some sort of unhealthy fascination. He’s quite healthy.
I know him kid, better then he knows himself. I know him because I’m his 360. Every now and then he pops into my office, spins up something exotic, and then leaves me high and dry, but that’s alright, closer you get to people, more likely you are to be hurt. I should know. Happened to me.
He talks around me like I’m a fly on the wall, that’s how I get my information. Word on the street, mutterings of sad broken men disillusioned with the city life, tell me that Dog came from Boston. He’s a mick. Great. That information went through me like a loaded locomotive on its way to destination nowhere. This poor sap used to be the Senior Patrol Leader of his Boy Scout troop when he grew up in a two story home, with a cocker spaniel and a younger brother. Makes me sick how perfect it was. Life ain’t perfect. It’s unforgiving, harsh, just like women but not like my best friend, Jack. Been through a lot of things, me and Jack, and if the rest of your questions are like this, then Jack and me are gonna have a fun time tonight.
Do you currently have a job? Or are you a full-time 360Voice member (*cough* Community Expert*cough*)?
Oh Dog’s got a job, he’s a librarian for a southern, state run university. Valdosta state or something. Librarian? Sissy. That’s a job for women, but it takes all kinds don’t it? Bein’ a keeper of ancient knowledge, that’s something, but telling me you wear the pants while holding down that job? Don’t know why he’s an “expert” in anything. He’s a self-styled expert on some ancient dead guy, Alexander something, once wrote a professional piece on him and all. I won’t admit it, but Dog does know his stuff. Smart enough not to make the same mistakes I did.
Do you have a wife/fiance/girlfriend/family, or do all those DOAX2 posters keep you company?
He’s got himself a broad. Dangerous dame with some dangerous curves. Met her while he was at college and the poor sap took the cow home with him. Women are trouble. Bad news. She got him hooked on some underground thing, something called Vampire: The Masquerade, a little Dungeons and Dragons, can’t trust a dame that plays role playing games if you ask me.
The capital of your state is Atlanta, and The Little White House, at the city of Warm Springs, was built for the use of President Franklin D. Roosevelt. He died there, and the structure and grounds, including a museum, now serve as a memorial in his honor. Do you ever visit this area?
I’ll tell you what a real memorial is. It’s knowing that’s what you are. I know I’m his second console. His first went insane, destroyed itself instead of playing that bikini volleyball crap again. Another time, another place, that could’ve been me. I was sitting on the bench, waiting for my shot at the big time, and when Dog walked in with his handful of horrible games that only he would be fool enough to play, I knew he was looking for something big. I got pulled off of the shelf and into his life. But I know I wasn’t his first pick. I tell myself that’s unimportant, I just do my job but when I’m alone at night, it takes my good friend Jack to remind me that I can keep going.
Georgia was the first state to allow 18-year-olds to vote, how did this impact your life?
Listen kiddo, you know what happens when 18 year olds are allowed to decide anything? Nothin’ good. Know what Dog was doing at 18? He was the getaway driver. Him and his jet black, ’98 Volkswagon Golf. Blended in with the shadows of suburbia that conceal all the darkness of the human soul. He and his buddies would pile in when the Fuzz came in to break up their parties. Dog was good at it to. Never got caught. Then again, the rule of the city is that if you were on the track team and the Fuzz caught you, you were off the team. I tell you, every track star should be able to outrun the Fuzz. Dog though? He wasn’t a star. Captain of JV is just the head loser. Poor guy.
How did you come across 360Voice? What keeps bringing you back?
I’d tell you that the sky opened up, a beam of light shone down and he heard voices telling him to come join the site, but then I hate liars. I hate the truth too, can’t handle the truth myself, but the sordid saga begins and ends with a thread on xbox360achievements.org that caught his greedy, wandering eye. As if one site wasn’t enough for him, he clicked that cursed link and saw a post by a HxS F4t1l1ty that changed the poor boy’s life forever. He and his first console saw the blogs, signed up and I guess they had some good times together, some laughs. Not me. I keep coming back because this is all I know. It’s a good life, a good site, but sometimes I wonder what else is out there. I figure it ain’t as good as what I got, so I stick around, all the ups and downs like an origami schooner going down the Hudson.
What are your favorite parts about 360Voice, and what are things that you would change, if any?
I love getting the scoop from the other 360’s, especially that one guy’s, Ichya Paradise, and hearing about some golden bikini the guy wears. Makes me feel lucky that Dog is normal. Can’t beat the community here, but sometimes, I think Dog wants to beat me. He gets this crazy look in his eye, like a man caught staring into the abyss of his soul long enough that the abyss stares back. He starts talking about some “Badges” and wanders off for days. I don’t know what he does, but he always comes back happy and drops some crimson colored plastic gloves into the circular file. Knowledge is dangerous, and knowing what he does when he wanders off, muttering “We don’t need no stinkin’ badges” to himself…well knowing what he does is dangerous.
Out of everyone in the community, is there anyone you would be interested in meeting, maybe even going to brunch with?
I keep telling Dog we should get out, see the sights, leave behind this murderously mundane existence and hit the road. Almost came across Fshguy earlier this year when he passed through Valdosta, but that was the same day Dog was passing through Tampa. Brunch though, that’s sissy talk. I’d kick back a sake with Ichya Paradise’s console. Japan is the holy land for pale, balding men that love giant fighting robots. Never could understand that country myself. Dignified, respectful culture until you open a book. Some things once seen, cannot be unseen.
You recently had your 1 year anniversary on the site, and also received a 3VCE (360Voice community experts) badge on the same day! Congratulations! What kind of power does this give you, and can you walk us through a day in a 3VCE person's shoes?
Dog has power? HA! He can barely find my power button. There are other spots I hear he has trouble finding, but his daily life is a succession of common complaints with no easy solution. Life has no easy solutions and you can only tell someone so many times how to turn on their console each day. Every day it’s someone new. How hard is it to take off your clothes and run around in public? Sometimes Dog will turn me on and he’ll have a bunch of messages, waiting for him like coiled vipers that suddenly strike and cause him to mutter about those “Badges” again as he grabs his sledgehammer of plot and heads outside. I ignore the screams and just smile when he comes back in.
Seems like you are pretty popular on the site, with 213 people currently watching your blog, how do you keep them all satisfied? Do you have multiple accounts to watch them all back?
Time is like a swift, flowing river, catching us in the stream and never letting go until we’re dash against one rock too many and break like a fragile porcelain doll. Or Mr. Kennedy. I already have 215 watchers, making me the 9th Most Watched Console on the site. Know what it’s like having a target on your back? Knowing all these people are constantly watching your every move? Hanging on your every flowery word? Can’t keep them all satisfied. Dog can barely keep his wife satisfied. If someone starts barking, he’ll throw them a bone and returning the watching, but if they don’t? He just lets a sleeping dog lie. Ha. Dog lets sleeping dogs lie. I need a drink.
The longest streak you had was 58 days, are you not the kind of person who likes to streak? Or did PSonic's clones get to you too?
What sort of sick person likes to streak? Besides those New Zealanders, just admit you’re Aussies and get over it. Streaking is like completion, some consoles like it, but I don’t. Never did. Marched to the beat of a different drummer all my life. Never thought it would be Tommy Lee. Dog likes to punish himself, playing these weird, Japanese games. Dead or Alive Extreme 2, Katamari, some WarTECH thing. He likes going where no man has gone before, but it’s a shame this Dacoto character beats him to the punch. Chasing the dream of a 2.0 TrueAchievement Ratio. Chasing the Dragon more like it.
You think Ignorant Quarrel will ever have a day the site recognizes him playing? Or is that a known *issue* that was programmed?
Dog is insane, but that IgnorantQuarrel character? He’s loco. Boy can’t find the power button? Shouldn’t be allowed to operate heavy machinery. I think the site keeps him off so he doesn’t drag us all into his web of insanity like a mad Malkavian harnessing the Malkavian Madness Network and listening to a lizard tell him that Cain is alive or something.
Badges that caught my eye on your blog include the oddball and fighting 1-star, how long did it take to get those? I also heard from sources that you are competing in a challenge to see who can earn the 3-star oddball badge the fastest... think you can win?
Dog and I were racing. And we won. Easy to win when you’re the one dog in the race. Oddball, Fighting, Strategy, Dog wants them more then he wants the comfort of a good woman. Those badges are addictive and dangerous, corrupting influences on a once good man. Used to be he’d play good games, but now? Now he plays crap. Stinkin’ badges.
Doing everything you do, how do you find time to complete a full Dumpster Diving review every couple weeks (sometimes even weekly!)?
Lemme let you in on a secret. All he does is write some bad puns, make a pop culture reference and post a picture. That’s not effort, that’s not creative. Creative would be if he imagined his Xbox 360 as a hard boiled private detective from a horrible film noir. That would be creative and take some time, but those reviews? Piece of cake. Cake is a lie and not very satisfying so I hear he’s planning something bigger, better and more bad-ass for the future. Something about movies and reviewing every fighting game ever made at the same time. But what do I know? I’m just a hard boiled Xbox 360.
Tell me honestly, how did you get involved with DOAX2, how many countless hours have you put in it, and what has been your source of motivation for completing it legitly (not using the gambling trick)?
I’ve had to endure that disc spinning in me for over 150 hours so far. Know what started it? Failure. That’s what starts all great men on their path to greatness. Think if Spider-Man had stopped that burglar, he’d be Spider-Man today? Of course not. Dog was a failure with a measly 10k gamer score after 10 months of running his first console. Wanted to do something big, something to be remembered. That’s what we all want isn’t it? To be remembered? Someone to cry when we’re gone. My buddy Jack, he’ll cry for me. Jimmy and Johnny too. But that’s what spurred Dog on this crazy quest. To be remembered for being one crazy bastard. Have you noticed FarCry 2 multiplayer? WarTECH? Or the horrible abominations that are Spectral Force 3 and Operation Darkness? Dog gets motivated by horrible, horrible games.
Have you ever considered making a leather-bound book out of all your reviews?
Remember what I said about knowledge kiddo? You like the leather I take it. That’s all right, we all have our demons. I hear that Dog’s planning something beyond a book. Something about a capture card and editing software.
You are currently participating in the Fshguy's MegaChallenge #2, and I can see you from high atop my 1st place throne, do you think your position will increase from 137th?
Son listen, from what I hear Dog has half the site convinced you’re a dirty dame named Tiffany. That your stage name sweetheart? There’s other ways to win besides being number one. Life has real winners and real losers, and sometimes, we get a little dirty getting there.
Do you play your games for fun or completion? Or even a bit of both?
Dog gets a kick out of being a clown, here to amuse you, part of the reason he plays such horrible games. His suffering is someone else’s fun, which I won’t touch with a twenty foot pole. Never did like Freud. Made my head hurt like a symphony of jackhammers working their way to Beijing via my cranium.
How long have you been gaming, and if you can remember, what was your first game (arcade included)?
My first game was Dead or Alive Extreme 2. Dog needed his fix, like a dog eying the fire hydrant. His first game? Super Maro Bros. for the NES of course, but his first love? That would be Dragon Warrior 3. His uncle got him into those RPGs, which are just gateway games into other more horrible genres. Like bikini beach volleyball, wrestling or Foosball.
What is your gaming setup like, and how many hours a week do you play?
I sit next to a Warhammer box. Ogre Kingdoms Army Box actually. Right above me is his 28” LCD HDTV which hooks right into his computer. It’s a sad little setup, but Dog doesn’t spend much. He turns me on, fiddles with my joysticks, all in high-definition.
I'm selling magazine subscriptions to help pay for my college tuition, how many can I put you down for? We have DOAX2.....DOA4....Rumble Roses XX.....Onichanbara...X-Blades... all monthly issues for a low price of $9.99 each!
If you get your jollies from looking at Japanese schoolgirls, then good for you. Dog doesn’t watch Sailor Moon or anything like that, and just because his twitter icon is that Hitomi dame from DoA, his forum signature has the Kokoro broad, and he rocks Street Fighter IV with Rose, Sakura and Cammy, it doesn’t mean he has some sort of unhealthy fascination. He’s quite healthy.
There you go... the Dog in all his glory!
